Dear Dad

Dear Dad

3 years today dad … since you passed away.  I miss you.

3 years since your body let you down and decided it wasn’t going to play ball anymore, that it would allow pneumonia and some sort of dis-ease to take you to the other side.

I miss you.  This week has been weird.

I’ve felt in a different space ~ physically as well as emotionally and mentally.

I cried at work yesterday morning when I spoke about you, remembering you and the fact we are commemorating 3 years of your death today … the tears seemingly came from nowhere – like that “rogue wave” that hits you from nowhere.

We had schnitzel and chips for dinner last night, the kids and I … cooked the way you loved … floured, egg wash, then rolled in breadcrumbs in a long sausage shape, cooked over a low heat in a mixture of butter and oil followed by a big slosh of lemon juice in the pan which, melted with the leftover butter and bits of schnitzel in the pan was poured over the cooked meat (so unhealthy but eaten with purpose and love) … delish!

We made a toast to you ~ (me with a glass of Shiraz coz you were a bit of a Shiraz lush to be honest!) and not long after we start eating together at the dining table Jackson says “I can feel Old Mac with me while I’m eating this mum”  to which I replied “yeh I know … and that’s coz he knows better than to hang out salivating over my shoulder coz he wouldn’t be getting ANY”!!

Your face is captured and framed (thank you Tracey Stevens) and you hang out with us in the main living area of our house … I treasure these photos so very much.

The kids miss you … they are doing so well … Talia was lying on the floor last night freaking out about her first Taekwondo competition this weekend … (I know she’s freaking for no reason … as you would!) – man you would be so proud Old Mac; last weekend when she graded to her red belt she broke boards … 4 awesome kicks smashing through 4 thick boards.  I could hear your cheering and clapping from afar.

Jackson has just turned 11 and he misses you soooo very much … he talks about you often and compares himself to you and how he remembers you acting/reacting/treating people in general.  Those ‘old school’ values and principles are already ingrained in Jackson – he naturally has a good moral compass but having had that supported by watching the way you naturally behaved and interacted with people has enforced something even deeper within your grandson.  After seeing you in action, the way he is choosing to live his life and treat others already is a testament to you.  You are the benchmark of a real man to your grandson and I am so grateful you left that legacy in his life.  Thank you dad xx

I think of you when I mow my lawns.

I think of you when I pour a glass of red wine.

I think of you when I wake myself up with a snort on the couch after falling asleep at the end of the week.

Thank you for not only visiting, but physically hugging me in not one but two dreams now … I registered the dreams, then remembered and physically felt that hug after I awoke ~ both times!  Absolutely priceless ~ and precious … loving your work dad xx

 

 

I’m not at work today Dad.  I realised yesterday how important the days around your death are to me … and how bloody important it is to allow a little self care when needed.  Based on how emotional I was yesterday I thought it best to work from home today.  Have laptop, will travel ~ as long as there is wifi!

So I’ll sign off for now Dad / Old Mac … we think of you every day (and especially today), we love you and we miss you more than I ever thought possible.

Macca ~ Talia ~ Jackson ~ August 30th, 2018

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